it’s regrettable, since it seems like a likeable former drug addict would have a funny show. but it’s also pretty dull since his guests sort of suck. anyway this casual “blog” and the postings that go on it will likely soon be permiated by my cynical nature and strange thoughts on life. depressing things… etc (very thom yorke). my mom once told me i was too cynical. however, she backs down the driveway too fast and i don’t so +1 for me.

speaking of driving, i may have a car soon. i have the money allbeit like 500 bucks. but i don’t want a car that i’ll be afraid to get blood spatter on or shoot an uzi from. i am really hoping it will be before school starts, because i fucking hate the bus. a bunch of freshmen screaming… since for some reason as you get older i suppose the maturity you were supposed to gain in middle school just doesn’t apply.

but i cannot count on it now that my grandfather’s condition has worstened. he’s 92 and i give him a lot of credit for being so tenacious. and what’s great is that even though he has terrible short term memory, he still cares about his family more than anything. he still asks how my grandmother is, even though he asks it every five minutes. my dad isn’t telling me anything though regarding his condition though. it’s not looking good though. it’s not his passing that worries me, because once a person gets that old, death always seems to be right around the corner. of course i would like him to live to be 110 but i am afraid my dad will take it hard. he always has so much work to do, and he has been forced to do a lot in order to take care of my grandparents. i would like to be able to speak to my grandfather a bit, but i don’t think he would be “all there” or really get anything out of that conversation.

sad.

but it’s 1:33 am and i should go to bed now… and so ends my first post.

it could be my last on here. i doubt anyone will read this shit.